Seniors and unsafe driving

As concerned and well-meaning children, we’re faced with the difficult and unenviable position of broaching a sensitive topic with our elderly parents or loved ones. One of the hardest to navigate conversations is to convey to an older adult that it might be time to retire their Driver’s License and start looking for other means of transportation. The last thing we want to do is procrastinate and push off the important conversation for a different time.

Many signs indicate it’s no longer safe for someone to operate a vehicle, and while the signs will vary significantly from person to person, here are some common ones to look out for:

• General health conditions. A variety of medical conditions can impede one’s ability to drive safely, even if they don’t seem directly correlated (though, more often than not, the more significant issue will be the medication they regularly take to deal with the said issue).

• Alzheimer’s and dementia. If your parent exhibits signs of early dementia or has been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s, it’ll immediately affect their driving. 

• Visual impairment. Even if slight, coupled with other issues and slowing reflexes, it can cause them to miss things and can be a significant safety concern. The same goes for hearing impairments to a lesser extent.

• Reluctance to drive. If you notice that your parent doesn’t drive as often as they used to and show some apprehension before getting into the car, it might indicate that driving no longer comes naturally to them or scares them a little.

• Banged up car. This one may seem obvious but be on the lookout for scratches and dents on their vehicles. Another similar sign that their driving days may/should be a thing of the past is an increase in traffic violations and increases in their car insurance policy.

Bear in mind that while it’s natural to stress the issues outlined above, it’s equally important to understand how much driving likely means to them. It’s so much more than a means of getting from point A to point B. Driving helps older people retain a healthy level of independence and keeps them mobile, outgoing, and connected to the outside world in a way that wouldn’t otherwise be possible. Therefore, they may be obstinate and determined to stay on the road.

 5 ways to have a difficult conversation with a senior about giving up the driving:

• Be sensitive yet assertive. Be clear and decisive as to why you’re asking them to give up a vital part of their independence without being condescending and passive. Driving means a lot to all of us, so this is not something you want to spring on someone in an indifferent manner. Rather set aside some time to allow for a lengthy discussion. Just don’t make them feel like they’re being wrestled for the keys.

• Show interest and concern. Even if you’re confident that it’s time for them to quit driving, consider riding with them a few times (if their driving is still relatively safe) to show that your concern comes from first-hand experience. You can point out, again in a respectful manner, that they’re not staying in their lane, forgetting to signal, reflexively slow to respond or any other issues with their driving that may pose a risk to themselves or others.

• Ease their worries. Offer alternatives, so the prospect of not driving anymore feels a little less suffocating. Understandably, their biggest concern will be how to get around, and luckily that’s a concern you can easily alleviate. Offer to drive them to various important appointments, help them familiarize themselves with public transportation, and show them how to navigate numerous ride and ride-sharing apps. There have never been more options for transportation, and showing them how to utilize all of them can go a long way.

• Engage the help of others. Get a physician, spouse, or trusted confidante involved. While your parent(s) may scoff at their “overly concerned” child, they’re more likely to listen to others. His primary physician may be the best option as people are more apt to accept advice from someone familiar with the medical history and state. Keep in mind that you want to limit the conversation to a select few people and not involve too many people, so it feels like you’re ganging upon them.

• Provide a listening ear. If possible, try using reflective listening to get them to acknowledge the issue themselves slowly. The odds are that subconsciously they know it’s probably no longer safe for them to be on the road but admitting as such is an entirely different matter. Ask questions early and often about both their driving and general health, and slowly but surely broach the topic of the risks of driving at an advanced age. It will ensure a less combative response and could potentially save untold aggravation.

If your loved ones are adamant about enjoying the freedom of the open road just a little longer, there are some compromises you can make, so that’ll help them stay safe and take a few extra precautions.

Perhaps you can get them not to drive at night, long distances, stick to only local roads, etc. You should also check in with them regularly and determine when it’s simply no longer negotiable.

Be aware of the warning signs, and don’t take them lightly. Tread carefully and remember how freeing it was when you got your license. Offer alternatives to ease the burden. Be sensible, sensitive, tactful, diplomatic, and assertive.