You’ve realized that your aging parent requires a caregiver. Now, how do you go about making that happen?

After sensitively discussing the need for a private caregiver with your loved one and ensuring that all family members involved are on the same page, it’s time to hire an appropriate caregiver. For most, this is unchartered territory, and so many important decisions must be made.

What are our expectations of the hired caregiver?

Should you hire an independent caregiver or hire via a home care agency?

How is the hired caregiver being paid?

What should you be aware of when vetting applicants?

Mom’s health decline may have come as a sudden, unexpected shock. Or, the niggling signs have been there for a while now. In either case, it’s obvious that even with the assistance of family and at-home caregivers, she can no longer care for herself. It is time to explore the long-term care options.

The emotions that come along with such a decision are diverse, and whether you are experiencing overwhelming guilt, grief, or relief, it is perfectly normal. For her part, Mom may have strong opinions about her care, be passive about the situation, hurt that her children cannot care for her, or cognitively unable to be part of such a huge decision.

With the unique factors of what this stage looks like for your loved one and yourself in mind, here are some important questions to ask yourself and tips to consider as you set out to place your loved one in the best possible care option.

Is everyone aligned with this decision?

What level of care does Mom require?

Researching and choosing the right facility.

Does this align with Mom’s personal preferences?

What does the financial landscape look like? 

Is everyone aligned with this decision?

Think of three elderly individuals you know. They may be your parents, grandparents, neighbors or other relatives and friends. What does their relationship with technology look like?

Grandpa bangs away at the proudly preserved typewriter in his living room, resisting all contact with the newfangled devices his children and grandchildren are obsessed with. No weekend meetings with the grandkids on zoom and no online ordering when the ache in his back acts up. Max and Martha help with the finances and the family does their best to visit and keep his loneliness at bay.

Elderly Lynn next door, on the other hand, has embraced online banking, shopping, candy crush competitions, and videoconferencing with her children living overseas. She even took advantage of her earlier senior years to hire a teacher and learn how to navigate these software and devices. She enjoys the independence and camaraderie that is now hers, as she maintains control over her personal finances and remains in touch with family and friends.

Practical Limitations//Seniors and Software

Rrrring.

Seeing the familiar, though fuzzy, numbers on the screen of my phone this early in the morning is never a good sign.

Dad.

I fumble for my glasses and answer the call. Dad’s voice is calm, but distant. Mom had fallen off the bed. Again. In the early stages of dementia himself, I am relieved that he called as soon as he realized the situation was too difficult to handle alone.

Driving home an hour later, the elderly couple safely back in bed – save for some minor bruises on Mom’s left foot-, my own feet still sock-less, it hit me with certainty that my parents are no longer fit to be living alone. Fear for their safety mingles with helplessness as near-dangerous scenes of the past few months flit through my mind. Who knew if the next emergency would end so simply?

We’d tried introducing panic alarm bracelets, video monitors around the house, and a walker for mom, who struggles to maintain her balance. Our parents’ reaction was vocal protests and hurt feelings, their illogical reasoning mirroring clouded eyes.

As their children, our eyes, too, blurred with tears. Was it possible for us to ensure that our beloved parents – who had kept us warm and safe as we matured – feel safe and respected in their old age?

The Safety vs. Sensitivity Challenge